My TikTok Went Viral and It Got Ugly

I recently made a TikTok video which went viral, and even though this is supposed to make any content creator jump for joy, I didn’t.

In the video, I critiqued a Maybelline commercial that (surprise! surprise!) relies on age-related narratives to sell makeup. The commercial features Mindy Kaling, a beautiful and talented actress. In the commercial, she's called "ma'am" by a stranger, and she clearly feels self-conscious about it. The implication is that being called "ma'am" is a sign of aging, and that aging is something to be ashamed of. The commercial then goes on to show how Maybelline products can help Kaling look and feel younger.

In my TikTok, I called out the commercial for its ageist message. I argued that Maybelline is playing on women's insecurities about aging in order to sell products. I thought my message would resonate with other women who are tired of being told that their worth diminishes as they get older.

@grayloxx

#greenscreenvideo @Maybelline New York you know what you’re doing here and it’s gross Ma’am is a shortened version of “madam” which was u... See more

To my surprise, the video did resonate with A LOT of people. But unfortunately, the comments section quickly turned ugly. Instead of focusing on the ageist message within the commercial, many commenters fixated on my visible reaction to being called "ma'am." The backlash made me realize something disheartening: a significant portion of the public misunderstands, or worse, supports the very ageism I was critiquing.

Here's why I think the commenters were missing the point:

1. The Shaming Power of a Single Word

The comments were rife with statements like, "Isn't 'ma'am' just a term of respect?" or "You're overreacting." While some commenters were likely genuine in their questions, others aimed to diminish my critique. The issue, however, isn't the word itself - I myself call women ‘ma’am’ as a way of showing respect - but the way it's weaponized by a large beauty brand to target and shame aging women.

In the context of the Maybelline commercial, "ma'am" stings. It's a calculated jab at Kaling's age, a way to signal that she's supposedly lost her desirability. This is a common experience for many women as they age; a subtle verbal shift marks a perceived decline in femininity and social value.

2. Ageism: Not Just a Commercial Problem

The comments proved that ageism isn't just a marketing tactic; it's deeply ingrained within society. It's woven into how some people talk to and perceive women who are older. There was a pervasive dismissal of the commercial's harmful message as though age-based insecurity is somehow a woman's fault and not a product of constant social conditioning.

The beauty industry relentlessly profits off the fear of aging. We're constantly reminded that youthfulness is synonymous with beauty and worth. This message is destructive because it undermines the natural aging process and makes women feel like they're constantly failing to meet an impossible standard.

3. The Power of Choice in Aging

It's important to remember that aging is a natural part of life, and how we choose to experience it is ultimately up to us. We can succumb to the pressure to fight every wrinkle or we can celebrate the wisdom and experience of growing older. The truth is, there's beauty in all stages of life, and we deserve to embrace them.

4. We Can Change the Conversation

Many of the comments on my video echoed society's obsession with women's looks and the relentless judgment placed on our aging bodies. This obsession fuels the very system I was criticizing. We can challenge these outdated narratives and reshape the conversation about aging. Instead of focusing on our supposed flaws, let's highlight the power of experience, the courage of vulnerability, and the beauty of growing older.

5. Driving a Deeper Divide

The surprising backlash against my video exposed another troubling layer to this issue. Many comments revealed a fear of 'offending' women with terms like "ma'am" because of a perceived connection to age. This strange overcorrection highlights a dangerous effect of commercials like these. They don't just target women's insecurities about aging, they create a social minefield where men might feel fearful of interacting with women at all in case they say the 'wrong' thing. This reinforces a divide between the sexes and fuels an atmosphere of unnecessary tension instead of promoting understanding and respect.

6. What You Can Do

We have the opportunity to challenge the ageist messages that constantly surround us. Start by being aware of the subtle and overt ways ageism operates, from casual comments to multi-billion dollar marketing campaigns. Call it out when you see it. More importantly, celebrate aging in yourself and others. Let's collectively reframe the story we tell about women and the aging process.

The ugliness of those comments might have been disheartening, but they also revealed something important: we have work to do. We need a massive shift in how we talk about and appreciate aging women. Let's start that shift together.

I’d love to hear from you! Click the button below to share your perspective on any of the questions below:

1. Have you ever been made to feel insecure about your age by advertising, comments from others, or even your own inner critic? Share your experiences.

2. What are some positive ways we can change the way we talk about aging and empower women to embrace all stages of life?

3. How can we support and uplift older women in our lives and communities?