Shattered Sisterhood: Why Women Can Be Each Other's Worst Enemies

Examining the Myth of Female Morality and How We Can Build Each Other Up

She looks at her with a kindness that has been practiced over many years, though still lacking in authenticity. The older matriarch strokes her cheek with soft yet cold fingers before the younger woman is led away to prepare for the ceremony.

At the ceremony, the older matriarch holds a proud, closed-mouth smile while watching the younger woman innocently complete the last formal rites of the wedding. She gazes at her son, searching to see if he still possesses the strength he will need to fulfill the final steps of his duty. As the couple walk towards her, you can see the slight shift in her facial expression from proud mother to powerful queen. The mask has now been fully removed as she orders the young princess to be tossed into the dark chasm, to meet her untimely death as a sacrifice to protect the kingdom from impending doom.

Apologies for the dramatic start, but this collection of scenes from the movie “Damsel” on Netflix brought to mind for me the cruelty that women can show to each other. I have seen and heard of many women figuratively toss other women into dark chasms as sacrifices for a ‘greater good’. Whether it be older female bosses cutting down their younger female employees, mothers overly criticizing their daughters, or girlfriends back-biting each other. As I’ve gotten older, I have a better philosophical understanding of this phenomenon but I still (maybe foolishly) believe that women can and should be each other’s most ardent champions.

Hey Gemini! What is the myth of women being morally superior to men?


The myth of women being morally superior to men is a belief that women are inherently kinder, more compassionate, and less prone to violence than men. This stereotype has existed throughout history and can be found in various forms:

  • The "Madonna-Whore Complex": This idea portrays women as either virginal and pure (Madonna) or sinful and tempting (whore). It suggests women who don't fit the "Madonna" role are somehow morally inferior.

  • Women as Peacemakers: This view associates women with nurturing and relationship-building, suggesting they're naturally inclined towards peace and diplomacy. While women can excel in these areas, it doesn't mean men are incapable.

Thanks, Gemini. What are some modern examples of women acting opposite of this myth?

Here are some modern examples of women who shatter the myth of female moral superiority:

  • Corporate Crime: Elizabeth Holmes, Theranos: Holmes was the founder of Theranos, a company that falsely claimed to have revolutionized blood testing technology. Her actions resulted in defrauding investors and potentially harming patients.

  • Political Corruption: Imelda Marcos: The former First Lady of the Philippines, Imelda Marcos, is known for her extravagant lifestyle while millions of Filipinos lived in poverty. She and her husband, Ferdinand Marcos, were accused of embezzling billions of dollars during their regime.

  • War Crimes: Ratko Mladić's Inner Circle: During the Bosnian War, several women, including Biljana Plavšić and Radmila Milošević, played significant roles in the ethnic cleansing and atrocities committed by Serb forces.

  • Financial Crimes: Ruth Madoff: Wife of Bernie Madoff, the architect of the largest Ponzi scheme in history, Ruth Madoff played a role in the operation. While the extent of her knowledge is debated, she was sentenced to prison for her involvement.

I used to believe that Women were a safe space for me - Men are dangerous and I need to be wary of them always but women, there is no need for such walls to be built up against them. So I used to believe.

Over the course of my life I too have felt the cruelty of women, and it caused a pain much sharper and deeper than one any man has caused. I guess this is because of my once fundamental belief that all women were part of an unspoken sisterhood that would always look out for one another. I now know that it was foolish of me to think that way.

The boss who hated me

My boss at my first job out of college was an older woman, tall in stature and commanding by nature. I feared and respected her; I wanted to please her, so that she would take me under her wing and protect me against all the big bad men that outnumbered us in our organization. But that never happened.

Her harshness towards me was covered up by a sing -song voice, and a bright wide smile that she would carry on her face while speaking to me. She used to make me feel as if I could never do anything right and as such, would watch my every move. Try to listen to every conversation I had with my colleagues. It didn’t hit me until much later and after speaking to a few folks about this, that she saw me as competition. That still makes no sense to me, to this day, because that was the furthest thing out of my mind then. I saw her as someone I wanted to aspire to be, not someone I wanted to replace.

The best friend who wanted her…ring…kissed

I used to date this man who had a female best friend. That wasn’t weird to me because I myself had a lot of guy friends, actually I preferred it that way. What was weird to me is that one day my then-boyfriend told me that his friend was unhappy with me. Perplexed, I asked why - I’d only spoken to her once over the phone and it was to introduce myself. Turns out that was the exact problem she had with me. She told him that she’d expected me to try harder to befriend her given the status she held with him. I was so confused by this, I truly didn’t compute.

My thinking was that she’s HIS friend, so what does that have to do with ME. Needless to say, she made it hard for him to hang out with me when she was around.

Now don’t get me wrong…

I’ve doled out my own fair share of cruelty to other women, whether I realized it or not -

  • Secretly going out with my girl friends ex-boyfriends or current crushes

  • Talking shit about women behind their backs to gain favors from one crew or the other

  • Scarlet Lettering women who showed the least bit of sexual freedom

I am equally a part of this system as are those women inflicted me with their cruelty. But as I’m aging, I’m realizing that this is not who I want to be anymore. I want to be a champion for the people, for other women because why not?

To help with this journey, I’ve started reading “Woman’s Inhumanity to Woman” by Phyllis Chesler. I’m a few pages in but already I’m feeling a lot of deep seated emotions rising. Memories are crawling out like shadows from a cave, not just of the acts committed against me by women, but my own acts against other women. I’m ashamed, angry, sad, and yet hopeful. I know for a fact that once I can heal myself and get closer to the core of who I really am, I will become a much better person for the world around me. And that includes being a better sister for the greater sisterhood.

I’d love to hear from you!

  • Share Your Story: Have you ever experienced cruelty from another woman? How did it affect you?

  • Breaking the Cycle: What are some ways we can challenge the stereotype of women being inherently kind and work towards supporting each other more?

  • Building Each Other Up: Who is a woman who inspires you with her strength and compassion? How can we celebrate and learn from these women?

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