My Mom's Simple Gift Made Me a Better Mother

The bond between a mother and her daughter is a tapestry woven with threads of love, expectation, joy, and sometimes, a lingering ache. It is a relationship that echoes through generations, a dance of mirroring and divergence. A mother is a daughter's first role model, her initial window into the world of womanhood. Whether this bond is a source of unwavering support or a field of unspoken tensions, it undeniably shapes a woman's understanding of herself.

From early moments of shared laughter and secrets to the inevitable clashes of perspectives, the mother-daughter relationship is in constant flux. It can be a haven, offering unconditional love and understanding. Yet, it can also be a battleground, where inherited patterns, unspoken desires, and subconscious comparisons ignite friction. This intricate dynamic has the power to mold and even wound, influencing a woman's sense of identity, her relationships with others, and ultimately, the way she navigates her own journey.

Perhaps the greatest gift a mother can bestow upon her daughter is the unwavering belief in her potential. My mother, through her quiet confidence and unwavering support, instilled in me a sense of possibility. Her belief ignited a fire within, a conviction that propelled me against self-doubt and into a life lived on my own terms.

The greatest gift I got from my mother was her belief that I would make a GREAT mother to my daughter.

Shortly after I had my daughter in 2016, my mom gifted me with gold bangles. Not just any ol’ gold bangles, but ones that she received from my dad shortly after they got married. She’d worn them ever since then, not removing them for anything. My siblings and I grew up with those bangles on her arms, forever associating them with our mother.

So when she removed them from herself and put them on me, I was bawling out of shock and intense gratitude. I recall questioning her out of disbelief, “Ma, why are you giving them to ME??” because honestly I’d deemed myself to be unworthy of such a precious gift. I mean, these bangles were 40+ years old and an important memento of the love that her and my dad, who passed away when I was 18, shared for each other.

Her response back to me is something I will forever hold in my heart

Hearing this from her filled me with a certainty that I’d never felt before in my life; it helped me find my bearing during a time when I felt completely lost and alone. I haven’t taken those bangles off since that day - well, airport security doesn’t count since these things always set off the metal detectors! - because I consider them to be a source of immense power in my life. The power of Love.

My relationship with my mom has gone through ups and downs, similar to any other mother-daughter relationship I imagine. I am 1 of 7 kids; number 5 in that lineup, and youngest of 4 daughters so I experienced a different mom than my sisters did. She was still a fiery woman with high expectations of me, but nothing compared to what my older siblings had experienced, which I’m grateful for LOL

I wasn’t super rebellious as a kid but I had strong opinions on how I wanted to live my life, opinions that at many times were at odds with what my mother wanted for me.

My college years were a bit tumultuous, emotionally, largely due to the fact that my family and I were trying to find our center after my father passed away. My mother was learning how to live without the love of her life, while trying to figure out how or by whom the large hole my father left would be filled. It was during this time that I decided to venture out into the world by myself to see what I was made of.

I decided I wanted to spend 3 months abroad in Tokyo, Japan during my final year in college. To date I’d only traveled (around the world) with family so the thought of me traveling solo, so far from home, was part exhilarating and part terrifying. My mom was dead set against it from the first time I opened my mouth about it, holding fast to her belief that I needed to stay close to home and focus on my studies. After some cajoling from other family members, she begrudgingly gave me her blessing for the trip.

During the long trip of planes, trains, and automobiles to Tokyo, I was proud of myself for being as put together and level-headed as I was. But the minute I opened the door to my teeny tiny Japanese room, it seems that the facade I’d been putting up for the past 20+ hours came crashing down. I broke down intensely, bawling out of control and the only call I wanted to make was to my mother. The phone rang a few times before she picked up, and I immediately cried to her that I wanted to come home. I recall an almost stone-coldness to her voice when she spoke to me that night, which could have been taken as her being a callous mother. But the words she said to me at that moment instantly stopped my tears and brought me to a halt.

Whether she meant to or not, her words filled me with an empowerment that made me sit up straighter and wipe away the tears from my face. She was right, I was the one that wanted to do this so I had to be the one to figure out how to see it through. That night in 1999, I learned that I am responsible for my own decisions and have the power to make my life what I want it to be.

That moment became a mantra in my life, a silent promise echoing every time I faced uncertainty, which was further charged by the moment my mom gifted her gold bangles to me. Those bangles have journeyed with me through the triumphs and heartbreaks of motherhood. They clink softly against my keyboard as I chase deadlines, offering a silent reminder of my mother's belief on long, exhausting nights. They gleam under playground lights as I bandage scraped knees, a tangible connection to the unconditional support I strive to give my own daughter.

My mother and I still have our moments of friction, born from the intricate dance of generational differences and our own unique temperaments. However, the tension feels less like a battleground and more like a well-worn path navigated with growing understanding. That path has led me to realize her seemingly harsh words on the phone that night weren't a lack of empathy. They were the ultimate act of faith – in my strength, my resilience, and my inherent ability to rise.

Today, when I look into those bright, curious eyes of my daughter, I am determined to pass on the legacy of belief my mother gifted to me. It's a belief rooted in the knowledge that she's capable, that she holds immense possibilities within herself. Just as my mother’s confidence ignited a flame within me, I want my daughter to know that I will always be there, cheering her on and holding a torch for her, even on her darkest days.

The bangles are a beautiful symbol, but the true inheritance, the most precious gift, is far more powerful. It's the unwavering belief in a daughter's potential and the transformative impact that belief has, rippling across generations and shaping the women we become.

I’d love to hear from you! Click the button below to share your perspective on any of the questions below:

1. What's a precious object that holds the legacy of your mother (or a mother figure) for you? 

2. Have you ever had a moment where tough love from your mother turned out to be the best medicine? 

3. How do you instill a strong sense of belief and possibility in your daughter (or the young women in your life)? 

Like what you’ve read? Then please share this with your world because #sharingiscaring