Ahh!!! The Beauty Industry Is After My 7 yr Old Daughter!

One-third of my daughter’s Christmas wish list was shoes (different iterations of Nike’s), the other third was clothes (thankfully not all pink) and the last third was beauty products for her “skin routine”. She is 7 years old.

While watching me get ready during the days when wearing makeup was part of my daily routine, she would ask me to apply some powder to her face with my brush. I would pretend to sweep the brush across the face powder before placing a gentle swipe on her marshmallow cheeks. She would leave the room beaming. This progressed to her wanting play makeup kits which we would get for her, leading to loads of adorable photo/video ops of her covering her face in bright pink or purple or orange colors.

My one rule was that all makeup was for in-house fun only, not for outside time. This rule wasn’t set in stone but it was my attempt at letting her know that makeup for her NOW was more like an art project. Call me paranoid, but I think there is a fine line between makeup being fun and makeup being “mandatory”, especially for young girls.

I grew up with a mother who never said I was beautiful and would speak negatively about the looks of women who had similar features as mine, which is why I want my daughter to grow up with a mother who recognizes her beauty and verbally acknowledges it. So then why did I purchase beauty products for her at such a young age?

The short answer is I suppose I don’t want to come across as a mother who doesn’t cater to the interests of her child. Parenting is mostly about constantly walking a fine line between disciplining/guiding and traumatizing/alienating your kids. Also, mostly all adult issues are tracked back to the relationship one has had with their mother, so no pressure right?

I’ve had a persnickety relationship with makeup (and beauty in general) for the majority of my life so it felt hypocritical, standing in Sephora with her as she browsed the beautifully arranged cases of beauty products that even I wouldn’t consider for myself. Here I was, the product of a mother who chipped away at my self-esteem with backhanded compliments and critiques of other women's appearances, now wading into these very same waters with my own daughter. The truth is, I was terrified of messing it all up.

The marketing, of course, doesn’t help. It's relentless. Glittering displays in stores, cartoon characters with impossibly long eyelashes hawking "magical" lip balms, YouTube stars with airbrushed faces giggling over highlighter palettes – it's a constant barrage designed to make makeup seem essential, a shortcut to happiness and popularity.

But what message does that send to a 7 yr-old? That her natural beauty falls short? That without a dab of blush and a sprinkle of glitter, she's somehow incomplete? It's a message that is persistently spread to women of ALL ages and I refuse to endorse it. Not just for my daughter, but for myself as well which seems to be harder to do as I grow older and get further away from the traditional, youth-based standards of beauty.

Instead, I want to cultivate a different kind of beauty in my daughter, one rooted in self-acceptance and confidence. I want her to see makeup as an accessory, a fun way to express herself creatively, not a requirement.

This doesn't mean a complete ban, of course. There's something undeniably playful about smearing on bright colors and pretending to be a superhero or putting on long, fake nails and clickety-clacking them on tabletops. It's about striking a balance. For example, given her new fascination with face-masks and skin tonics, I decided to teach her how to make cocoa powder face masks (can’t go wrong with yummy chocolate on your face) and coconut water-infused face-mask sheets. This gave me the opportunity to teach her the benefits of natural ingredients vs. the harm that chemicals in store-bought products can cause to her delicate skin, while also passing down traditions of the women in my own family who used to make beauty treatments like sugar-honey wax to remove body hair #witchyvibes

All of this is balanced with a daily focus on healthy habits like sleep, good nutrition, and spending time outdoors. Instead of dismissing her interest in her physical appearance by saying she’s too young for all that right now, I tell her about how getting high-quality sleep is the best thing ever for fresh glowing skin in the morning, and how playing outside for an hour a day will help her build a strong mind and body which will help her do so many things in her everyday life.

The conversations will get more complex as she gets older. The pressure to conform to unrealistic beauty standards will intensify. That's when open communication becomes crucial. I want her to feel comfortable asking questions, voicing insecurities, and knowing that her worth isn't tied to the color of her lipstick.

The key, I realize, is choice. It's about empowering my daughter to decide when and how she wants to express herself, makeup or not. It's about fostering an environment where she feels beautiful in her natural skin, a foundation far more valuable than any store-bought product. I recently decided to stop wearing makeup in my everyday life. This choice was easier to make after having rocked my white hair for a few years now but it’s been challenging at times to sustain, especially on those mornings where I’ve had garbage sleep and woke up to a face that looks as fresh as a week-old salad.

But this isn't just about makeup, of course. It's about the broader societal messages girls face – the pressure to be thin, to dress a certain way, to conform to a narrow definition of beauty. It's about raising a daughter who values her mind, her talents, and her strength just as much as her appearance.

It won't be easy. There will be slip-ups, moments of insecurity, and the ever-present influence of media. But by fostering open communication, celebrating her natural beauty, and leading by example, I hope to equip her with the tools to navigate this complex world with confidence and self-love.

I know that she is watching me intently, has been from the day she was born, and taking some important cues from me. So if I want her to be confident and feel beautiful in her skin/hair/body, I need to do that with myself FIRST.

I’d love to hear from you!

1. Share your experience! Did you have a similar experience navigating the beauty industry with your child or a young person? How did you approach makeup and self-image with them?

2. What are your concerns? What aspects of the beauty industry worry you the most in regards to young girls?

3. Let's swap tips! Do you have any strategies or advice for fostering a healthy body image and self-esteem in young girls? What are some creative ways to encourage self-expression that don't involve makeup?